Does God Want You to Suffer in Silence?

The Church is bleeding too many people to an erroneous understanding of silent suffering. So what does it really mean — and does God truly want us to suffer in silence?

Christians, especially, stay in relationships that remain abusive, weather trials that continue to inflict pain, tolerate injustices that soon become unbearable — and all this because they believe that they are called to ‘suffer in silence’. Eventually, such Christians with a flawed understanding of this matter will find their reserves of patience and faith depleted, and walk away empty from the church and God.

But the truth is, even Jesus did not suffer in silence.

Before your jaw drops to the floor, let me clarify the subtle difference between the two phrases — to ‘suffer silently’ is different from ‘suffering in silence’.

In the phrase, ‘silent suffering’, the adverb ‘silent’ is used to describe a kind of suffering that is borne without any protest. On the other hand, in the phrase ‘suffering in silence’, the noun ‘silence’ is the state of quiet in which the person who is suffering chooses to be. The first describes the sufferer’s response to the one inflicting the suffering, the second speaks of the sufferer’s response to the suffering itself.

This might be a tad complex to grasp, so let’s turn to the example of Jesus to understand what it means.

Years before Jesus was born, the prophet Isaiah had written about him:

“He was oppressed, and he was afflicted,
yet he did not open his mouth;
like a lamb that is led to the slaughter
and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.” [Isaiah 53:7]

Jesus suffered silently as a lamb before the ‘shearers’ — he did not justify, complain or grumble to his persecutors, but he did not suffer in silence. He spoke constantly…to God.

Urging his readers to draw inspiration from Christ, Peter describes the manner in which Jesus suffered —

“When he was abused, he did not return abuse; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but he entrusted himself to the one who judges justly.” [1 Peter 2:23]

While Christians may register the example of Jesus’ silent suffering here (the lack of a response to those persecuting him), one might easily overlook in the second half of the verse his attitude of suffering — not one of resignation or silence, but of action. It is here, in fact, that we find the key to Christ’s ability to suffer without retaliation — he did not suffer in silence, but “entrusted” himself to God in prayer.

This is why we find Jesus praying constantly, speaking to his Father especially in moments of suffering. In Gethsemane, we see the perfect example of human acceptance of God’s will — in the midst of his suffering, Jesus was able to seek the Father’s will because he was in conversation with him. Then, in incredible pain, as he was being nailed to the cross, Jesus spoke to his Father again, praying for Him to forgive his persecutors. Even while he felt the absence of his Father in his suffering, Jesus cried out to him, “My God, My God, why hast thou forsaken me?” Finally, with his dying breath, Jesus prays, “Father, into thy hands I commend my spirit.”

Yet in all his suffering, Jesus knew that it was not God’s will for him to suffer — but for US to know how much our Father loves us.

[Confused? More about this here!]

And so too it is important for us to know that our suffering is to be accepted not for the sake of suffering, but so that others may know the love of God. Our suffering, if it is not enabled by our conversations with God, will bear the bitter fruit of resentment, instead of love. By suffering in silence, we make martyrs of ourselves, or make the other feel ‘trapped’ instead of loved, or worse, believe that our suffering will change or heal them.

But salvation comes from the cross of Jesus — not the crosses we bear.

When we suffer in silence, instead of turning to speak to God (even if only to question) we deprive ourselves of the opportunity to know him… to know real love. It is this love that God wants us to experience — this divine love that will equip us to suffer without reacting or responding in kind, and draw the other to Christ.

From the Old Testament to the New, those who suffered but found repose, either on earth or in heaven, were those who spoke to God. Job, visited by his friends in his suffering, is advised by them not to question God — but he is right to want to dialogue with his maker, and it is this conversation with God that truly grows his faith, allowing him to understand and embrace his suffering. From Joseph to Jonah, Elijah to David, the Old Testament is clear — all will suffer, but it is the wise who choose not to suffer in silence, but speak to God.

In the New Testament, the suffering multitudes could speak directly to God, calling out to Jesus. Beggars, lepers, the deaf and mute, blind men and tormented women — all of these and more, approached Jesus in prayerful supplication. Their words were few and varied, but it is the heart that God sees, and a desire for relationship with him.

So if you are suffering and are inspired to speak to God, don’t fret if you don’t know what to say — it does not matter, as long as you WANT to say something.

Once you have cultivated this desire for relationship with God, like Paul and Silas, you will be unable to remain silent even in the face of suffering — even while they were being held in jail for preaching about Jesus, they sang praises to God and the chains that held them broke open. Stephen, even as he was stoned to death, looked up to heaven and spoke to God, asking him to forgive his persecutors.

We cannot suffer silently unless we are vocal in our suffering — with God.

For when we call out to God in our suffering is when we begin to hear his voice too — and are able to do what he tells us to. [More on this in next week’s article!]