Know Love, No Fear

Do you sometimes feel like God does not love you?

If Adam and Eve are a case for the consequences of sin, their sons Cain and Abel are a lesson in love — and the fear that prevents us from feeling loved.

We know how Cain, in a fit of jealousy kills his own brother, but we might be confused as to why God allowed this to happen at all — why did God seem to favour one brother over the other, resulting in this fratricide?

Let us read and unpack what Scripture says —

“Now Abel was a keeper of sheep, and Cain a tiller of the ground. In the course of time Cain brought to the Lord an offering of the fruit of the ground, and Abel for his part brought of the firstlings of his flock, their fat portions. And the Lord had regard for Abel and his offering, but for Cain and his offering he had no regard. So Cain was very angry, and his countenance fell. The Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry, and why has your countenance fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is lurking at the door; its desire is for you, but you must master it.” Cain said to his brother Abel, “Let us go out to the field. And when they were in the field, Cain rose up against his brother Abel and killed him.” [Genesis 4:2 -8]

Scripture says that the Lord had no regard for Cain and his offering, but it was actually Cain who had no regard for God.

While Abel brought ‘the firstlings of his flock, their fat portions’ — the best of the best, Cain brings to God only ‘an offering’. But it is not only the offering that God regards, but also the heart of the one making the offering. Let us take a look into the hearts of these two brothers as they made their offering.

Abel was a shepherd and he recognised that he was simply a ‘keeper’ of the sheep — not their creator. When lambs were born to his sheep, he also knew that these firstlings were not a result of something he had done, but what God had done for him; not a result of his work, but a blessing from God.

And so, while Abel made his offering to God, his heart was filled with gratitude — but Cain’s was filled with pride.

Cain believed that it was his labour — tilling, planting, watering, reaping — that had been fruitful, not recognising that “neither he who plants, not he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth” [1 Corinthians 3:7]. Cain wanted to be congratulated for his effort and love — not realising that his entire harvest was a blessing from God. When we too give to God from an effort to please him, we deprive ourselves of the opportunity to know his love for us.

But Abel could give happily, because he knew that it was God who had given everything to him; he could love easily because he knew that “we love because he first loved us” [1 John 4:19]. Abel knew of the grace of God.

God gives us a clue as to how Abel gets it right. “If you do well, will you not be accepted?”, God tells Cain. This is not a rebuke, as Cain thinks, but an opportunity to examine himself in relation to Abel, whose offering had been accepted. Abel is able to acknowledge the goodness and grace of God, because he has ‘done well’ in knowing God. While his sheep grazed, Abel probably spent his hours speaking and listening to God.

Cain, on the other hand, had not taken the time to know God, but prepared an offering nonetheless. How could he have known what God wanted from him, when he did not know God? It would be like trying to buy a birthday present for a stranger! But when we draw closer to God with a desire to know him, he reveals his heart to us and shows us what he wants from us — “steadfast love and not sacrifice, the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings.” [Hosea 6:6] The offerings we make when we do not know God and his love for us, take us farther away from God instead of bringing us closer to him. These offerings, made out of obligation or a sense of duty, make it harder for us to accept the love and grace of God.

Like Abel, all we really have to do to be accepted by God is to ‘do well’ in trying to know him. If we do, we will be found and accepted because God himself constantly uses every opportunity to reveal himself and his love to us.

When Cain murders Abel, God calls out to him, “Where is your brother?”, giving him the opportunity to feel remorse, repent and experience God’s love and mercy. But Cain rejects this invitation to be loved; rejecting the truth of God’s love for him with a lie of his own — “I do not know. Am I my brother’s keeper?”

And so, when we sin, we separate ourselves from the love of God and others. But God does not cause this to happen — fear does. God responds to Cain’s murder of Abel with, “When you till the ground, it will no longer yield to you its strength; you will be a fugitive and a wanderer on the earth.” But to God’s punishment statement, Cain adds a bit of his own — “Today you have driven me away from the soil, and I shall be hidden from your face; I shall be a fugitive and a wanderer on the earth, and anyone who meets me may kill me.”

These additions are not part of God’s word — they are Cain’s fears!

But even here, God clarifies — “Not so! Whoever kills Cain will suffer a sevenfold vengeance.” [Genesis 4:15] And to make his promise more tangible to Cain, God puts a mark on him, so that no one who came upon him would kill him. But despite these, it is Cain who goes away from the presence of the Lord and settles in a distant land, enacting his own fears by deliberately separating himself from God.

If Cain had spent time with God, he would have known (as Abel did), that God’s love is perfect — complete on its own, and not dependent on any other factors. Unlike human love, which requires the fulfilment of some conditions, God’s love simply is. Just as God’s existence does not depend on whether we acknowledge him or not, God’s love too is is not even dependent on whether it is received or not.

Human love, however, is imperfect. It is given on condition, at the very least of being received. This is why some portion of our love is always affected by a fear of rejection.

Without a knowledge of God’s perfect love, Cain is unaware of God’s great love for him, believing that God loves in the way that humans do. Unable to see God’s reprimand as love, he sees it as rejection. And so, afraid if being ‘rejected’ again, Cain is not only unable to love his brother, he is also unable to allow himself to be loved by God.

This complex relationship between fear and love continues until we have tasted perfect love.

Think of yourself as a funnel — what goes in, must eventually come out. If the love of God (and others) is being poured into us, the output ought to be love too…right? Then why is it not?

Picture the qualities of love and fear —which is hard and stiff, and which is soft and yielding? The two are of completely different textures, and so in our hearts too, they occupy different places.

When fear sits solidly on the surface, floating above our love, it becomes a barrier to receiving love. As a defence mechanism, it does not allow us to receive the love of God or others. Love, because it cannot be accepted by the more solid fear, is rejected by it, pouring over us, leaving no impact on our heart. There is no kind of response elicited — neither love not fear comes out the other end as long as fear sits at the top as a barrier.

The only time love may emanate from such a heart is in response to fear. The fears that exist at the surface accept more fear, especially of rejection, and this will push some love out the other end. If this continues, the love being shown is simply a response to fear and they will soon empty of it — until all that is left will be a heart filled with fear.

Over time, a person’s fears may soften and melt by contact with the love within and start to move and settle lower down the funnel. This would allow the emotion at the top to become love, a texture more receptive to love being poured into it. At this point, there is still no output as long as there is space at the top for love to be poured in. This heart is still not filled with enough love for it to have any impact on the output. This person is neither productive, nor destructive and simply needs to be filled more for any effect to take place.

Over still more time, as more love is poured in, fear begins to sink right to the bottom and we may feel loved enough to express their fears. If the love we receive is adulterated with fear (as human love mostly is), the fears/insecurities being poured in go meet our own insecurities at the bottom, while the love is added to the love we already hold. What emanates from the other end is, surprisingly, fear. This is because we now feel loved and comfortable enough to safely express our fears. Once these fears have been expressed and dealt with, depending on the amount of love:fear being poured in, the output will be proportionate. Once our fears have been dealt with, we will be able to finally respond with love, with new fears being dealt with and ejected in a healthy manner.

While this is any therapist’s dream goal for their patient, we are called to live by the Spirit. When we spend time knowing God, as Abel did, we will be able to recognise the way that he loves. It is only knowing God and his love that can soften our fears — when we begin to surrender our fears to God, we can finally recognise his love pouring into us and accept it. It is only then that we can receive perfect Love — a love that is unadulterated by fear. God’s love pushes out all fears, helping us deal with our fears in a healthy manner, and we are finally able to exude God’s love.

This is perfect love that casts out fear. [1 John 4:18]

When we are filled with God’s love, the fears that we already had are taken care of — and we are now able to recognise when people act out of fear, and forgive them. We are able to respond to fear with love.

Perfect love is able to cast out fear, by turning it into love.

This is what Jesus achieved on the cross over two thousand years ago —the living embodiment of a love so great that God sent his only son to tell us, by his life and death, just how much he loves us.

When we know God enough to know that he loves perfectly — that no matter what we have done or are going to do, or what has been done to us, or what we have been told, he loves us — we know that whatever happens to us/with us is for our good, even if we cannot see it in the moment. We no longer have to try so hard to love…and be loved.

We just know that we are.

Here’s what you can do to feel and spread the love of God:

1. Spend a little more time with God every day to know him, as Abel did
2. Ask God for the gifts of the Holy Spirit that will help you know him (and yourself!) better — Wisdom, Knowledge, Understanding, and Counsel
3. Ask God for the gifts of the Holy Spirit that will take away your fears and help you bring more people to a knowledge of his love — Fortitude, Piety, and Fear of the Lord