The Gift of Singleness
Are you single — but waiting for a time when you won’t be?
The longing for companionship and love is not an easy one to bear, even for the Christian who ought to be content in Christ. This is because we were created in the image and likeness of God himself — called to love as he did! [Click here to learn more about this]
But are all people called to express their love through marriage? Society would have us believe so —and weary is the single man or woman invited to a family get-together, college reunion, weekend party or insidiously set up blind date. There are some exempt from this constant scrutiny and condolence, but these too because they have pledged themselves to God and community — priests, nuns and other religious.
But what about that third vocation, or calling, that hardly anyone ever speaks of?
When two people marry, they receive through the sacrament, the grace required for them to fulfil it — to be married. When we consent to marry (and this consent is freely given) we accept this grace. Similarly, when a priest chooses to become one, he is given the special grace required to be a priest — when he takes his vows, he accepts this grace.
And so, it is an acceptance of our vocation that leads to the receiving of the grace required to fulfil it. Such is also the case with singleness. But when we don’t see it as a possible vocation or calling, we don’t consent to it.
When we desire and long for marriage, we reject singleness and by extension, the GRACE required to be single.
And this grace is essential, as Jesus says. In Matthew 19, in response to Jesus’ reply to the Pharisees’ question on the grounds for divorce, his disciples remark that in that case, it might be better not to marry at all! To this Jesus replies, “Not everyone can accept this teaching, but only those to whom it is given…let anyone accept this who can”.
If singleness is given to some of us, it is a gift — and God only gives good gifts to his children. And yet, he gives us the choice and free will to accept this gift…and the grace that comes with it. Without this special grace, a period or life of singleness will seem not a gift, but a curse. Without an acceptance of it, we stumble miserably through our singleness, seeking marriage — yet it is not marriage we seek, but love. And human love, though it can give us a taste of God’s love, cannot satisfy our thirst. It is an imperfect love; expecting, striving, insecure. It is only when we have truly experienced God’s love — a love that keeps no record of wrongs, that bears all things, hopes all things and never ends —that we can be able to love as we were meant to. It is only when we have experienced God’s love that we will be able to trust in his plans for us. “For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope.” [Jeremiah 29:11]
It will not matter then, if we are single for a season, or for life — for we will have both the grace to live a single life and the love to give in marriage.
If you are single today, ask God to help you accept your singleness as his plan for you in this moment and wait for the grace that he will pour out on you! Seek God in prayer and by reading the Bible and he will reveal himself and his love to you.
