Unbroken

Wherever Jesus went, people followed, enamoured by the man who could heal the paralysed, calm the sea, multiply food, cast out demons, and even raise the dead.

Yes, Jesus had many followers – but not all allowed themselves to be led by him.

Take Judas, for instance. If Jesus’ disciples had called themselves Christians back then, while they walked with Jesus, Judas would have called himself a Christian too. But just spending time with Jesus will not guarantee that we will be able to do as he asks. It is our reason for wanting to be with him, that will.

Are we as ‘Christian’ as Judas was? Do I follow Jesus out of love for him — or for what he has to offer me?

As you examine your own reasons for following Christ, let me remind you of a certain young man who came face-to-face with this question — and turned away from it.

Scripture speaks of a rich young man who came to Jesus and asked him what he should do to gain eternal life:

“Then someone came to [Jesus] and said, “Teacher, what good deed must I do to have eternal life?” And he said to him, “Why do you ask me about what is good? There is one who is good. If you wish to enter into life, keep the commandments.” He said to him, “Which ones?” And Jesus said, “You shall not murder. You shall not commit adultery. You shall not steal. You shall not bear false witness. Honor your father and mother. Also, you shall love your neighbour as yourself.” The young man said to him, “I have kept all these; what do I still lack?” Jesus said to him, “If you wish to be perfect, go, sell your possessions, and give the money” to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me.” When the young man heard this word, he went away grieving, for he had many possessions.” [Matthew 19:16–22]

The rich man came to Jesus because he wanted something he hadn’t been able to buy — eternal life. Let’s stand for a moment in the comfortable shoes of this rich young man. Despite your considerable wealth, you have always felt a certain “lack”. And though still young, you spend your days preoccupied with the idea of eternal life. Both riches and youth just cannot compete with the gleam of eternal life and the question you ask Jesus has been asked of many others before. You strive hard to keep all the commandments, in the hope of one day receiving your reward, but something tells you that you are somehow still falling short of the requirements. Then, one day, you hear of a man who has been walking through the towns and countryside, teaching, healing and exorcising in authority, and hope fills your heart — here is someone who can tell you the one thing that is missing from your endeavours, the missing piece of the puzzle that you just don’t seem to have.

While most readers focus on this one thing that makes the young man turn away from Jesus, we are invited to notice instead what has drawn him to Jesus in the first place.

Along with the silver spoon in his mouth, this man had been born with a desire that God himself had placed in his heart — one that is planted in all of us: a desire for heaven.

This desire for heaven, to be with God, is one that, awake or dormant, lives in all our hearts — but it is our will that will determine what we do with it, and how far we will be able to walk with him. Like the rich young man, we may come to Jesus because we want heaven — but do we have the will to do what he says?

We may imagine our will to be a stubborn wild horse in need of ‘breaking’, before it can be led. ‘Breaking’ a horse is the process of taming it so that it no longer bucks and rears wildly, resisting any attempt to be led or ridden. We may believe that until our will is ‘broken’, our desires muzzled, we will not be able to do as Jesus asks.

But the will that God gave us is free — like a wild horse running through lush pastures, God never meant for it to be bridled and tamed.

God gave us free will so that we would be able to choose him, freely. So if we feel like we want to do what he says, but are somehow unable to, we may be suffering from what David called a divided heart. In Psalm 86:11, he wrote,

“Teach me your way, O Lord,
that I may walk in your truth;
give me an undivided heart to revere your name.”

The Hebrew word for ‘heart’ is the same as the one for ‘will’ — lev — because the heart is where we were believed to hold our will and desires. If we feel like we are unable to do something even though we want to, we may need to ask if we truly want it with our whole heart.

Speaking to the Pharisees after he had cast out some demons, Jesus said, “How can one enter a strong man’s house and plunder his property without first tying up the strong man? Then indeed the house can be plundered.” [Matthew 13:29] He was referring to himself as the strong man, able to cast out demons by overpowering and binding them. But this also applies to us.

If we feel ourselves giving in to thoughts, memories or feelings — our demons — that prevent us from doing what Jesus says, it is because we have ALLOWED our will to be overpowered by Satan.

This does not mean that we are powerless — just that certain parts of our will have been captivated — but not held captive – by Satan. This has been the strategy of Satan since the very first Fall; it was he that tempted Adam and Eve, but they that acquiesced, of their own free will.

Jesus elaborates in Luke 11:21 — “When a strong man, fully armed, guards his castle, his property is safe. But when one stronger than he attacks him and overpowers him, he takes away his armour in which he trusted and divides his plunder.” It is Satan who divides — even our will — if we allow it.

Satan uses our own fears, worries, insecurities, even our affections — all things that live in our heart alongside our will — and pits them against each other.

So when we try to act out our will, to listen to God, we find resistance.

But there is hope. Jesus spoke of the armour the master of the castle trusts in — what is the armour that we cover our will in? Can it be taken away from us? The rich young man trusted in his wealth, Judas in money, Nicodemus in his social position, and the Pharisees in their own righteousness, but today the armour that we trust in might also look like fear and trauma, materialism, anxiety, alcohol, church life, drugs, work, family, relationships, porn, Instagram. Often, this ‘armour’ that we trust in is the very thing keeping us captive, preventing us from exercising our true will. For instance, we trust our fear and trauma to protect us from getting into similar hurtful situations again, or believe that our anxiety will prevent us from failing at a task, that alcohol will numb us to feeling any emotional pain or attachment, that promiscuity will protect us from rejection, or our money/greed will ensure for us a secure future. Even ‘good’ things, like family and church-life, can become the ‘armour’ around our will, preventing us from doing what God asks.

And so, in truth, it is not our will that needs breaking — but the armour around it.

So the next time it feels like you are being broken, recognise the breaking for what it is — God is enabling the ‘armour’ in which you trusted to fall away, so that you may be able to do his will. When it feels like the the things you trusted in the most have betrayed you, or don’t give you the satisfaction they once did, sit up and pay notice — recognise that these are the things that you have made the armour around your will to seek heaven.

The rich young man was unable to recognise this slow breaking of his armour, or even the direct command of Jesus to surrender it, but let us not be like him. Let us not think that God is binding our will, but recognise that he is setting us free.

When we are able to recognise the breaking and recover the trust we had placed in these things, giving it to Jesus instead, is when we allow him not only to lead us, but to love us. Without his riches, the rich young man would have had to rely on Jesus, as a disciple on his teacher for sustenance, and so learnt that it is the love of God that sustains, not our riches.

There are many, though, who were able to recognise this and surrender their ‘armour’ to Jesus. Peter, John, Andrew, James — these were some of Jesus’ most faithful disciples and they trusted in his armour immediately. But for most of us, some form of breaking of our own ‘armour’ is required, before we can trust in his. Like Paul the apostle, whose desire was for heaven, but whose knowledge had kept him from truly knowing God, we too may suffer a while, if we struggle, as the armour that we trusted in crumbles under the weight of the love of God.

But when we allow ourselves to trust in the armour of God — the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, the word of God [See Ephesians 6:10–17] — we put on Jesus himself, inviting him into our heart.

For you see, when Jesus asks us to follow him, he doesn’t lead from the outside — we have to let him lead from the inside.

Only when Jesus occupies our whole heart is when we will allow him to lead us from the inside — for his love to cover our will. When Jesus appeared to Peter after his resurrection, he asked only one question of his disciple; but he asked it three times — “Do you love me?” Because it was only love for him that would equip Peter to do what Jesus asked next.

And so, our willingness to be loved — to allow God’s love to crush the things we trusted in — will determine how much we allow God to lead us. We may follow Jesus, but unless we are willing to allow him to occupy our whole heart, leading from the inside, we will never be able to do what he says.

The Gospel of Mark includes an important addition to the story of the rich young man —

“Jesus, looking at him, loved him and said, “You lack one thing; go, sell what you own, and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me.” [Mark 10:21]

May we recognise the love in all that Jesus says to us.